In other news...

[Cydrome]

>>In any case, this county will vote him out ASAP, after giving him landslide victories every season!<<

They'll probably replace him with that woman who's backed that ordinance prohibiting any mention of Charles Darwin inside the county line.

[Jason]

Egads, man, we don't believe in God here in California! 

[Cydrome]

>>Egads, man, we don't believe in God here in California! <<

Other than Julio Gallo in Modesto?

[Jason]

>>Egads, man, we don't believe in God here in California! <<

Other than Julio Gallo in Modesto?

Alright, as a San Fran native, you know that there was a valley full of gods just to the east of you!  Gallo is the frat party concoction of the wine world.

We just got a pretty decent wine shop here last year, and I've been blowing cash there ever since, by the way.  Sure would love to see Bakersfield catch up to other modern Californian enclaves in that regard, would make the trips to LA go away!

[Cydrome]

At least you don't have to pay municipal taxes, the entire Barersfield town budget must be more than covered by revenue from speeding tickets issued on I5.

[Jason]

At least you don't have to pay municipal taxes, the entire Barersfield town budget must be more than covered by revenue from speeding tickets issued on I5.

Boy ain't that the truth.  Right  now, the big moneymaker for the cops is the red light camera.  For the longest time, running red lights was a sport here, but after a few months of those cameras, things are noticeably different out there.

Our taxation values were crap, so they raised our sales tax by a percent, and cut a bunch of firefighters and cops.  So far so good!

[Fujisan]

Two piles of sick walking down the street,one turns to the other and says...

I was brought up round here....

(Sick Joke)

[Lex Ingenii]

Now this right old man was a sick 'un
He had a dozen hen ripe for the pickin'
He'd chase 'em around
With his trousers pulled down
And he'd say "Whatsa matter, you chicken?"

[Jason]

Two piles of sick walking down the street,one turns to the other and says...

I was brought up round here....

(Sick Joke)

Ugh.

[Lex Ingenii]

Woman (with bag): "Tusk tusk..."



Ok, now take another look............

[Lex Ingenii]

This comes from my 92-year-old mother....

My 1 day employment

So after landing my new job as a Walmart greeter,
A good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day...

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, ugly, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.   

I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Wal Mart.  Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other idiot's 7.  Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or stupid?' 

So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'

My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.

[SUKIAKI]

Not only am I ROFL, my whole family is laughing at that one! Thanks for making my day

[ronnie]

It's been quiet in here lately, so, serves you right...............

A teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-Gebra is a problem for us," the Attorney General said. "They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values." They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as "unknowns," but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle.'

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes." White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physics will follow.

[Lex Ingenii]

There are three types of mathematicians: those who can add and those who can't.

A man camped in a national park, and noticed Mr. Snake and Mrs. Snake slithering by. "Where are all the little snakes?" he asked. Mr. Snake replied, "We are adders, so we cannot multiply." The following year, the man returned to the same camping spot. This time there were a whole batch of little snakes. "I thought you said you could not multiply," he said to Mr. Snake. "Well, the park ranger came by and built a log table, so now we can multiply by adding!"

Mermaid mathematicians wear algaebras.

Old mathematicians never die; they just lose some of their functions.


Q: Why did the chicken cross the Moebius Strip?
A: To get to the other... um... er...

Q : Did you hear about the murderous mathematician?
A : He went on a killing spree with a pair of axis!


And for the finale (and I didn't make this up, but boy, is it going to get me into a lot of trouble......):

How do you teach mathematics to a woman

Look for the tan line
subtract her pants
stack her on the bed
divide her legs
calculate the distance
arc her back
add a length
function properly
provide constant movement
give her a square root
turn her over for a reverse polish notion
gradiently increase the integer
round the remainder
fill the pi
hope she doesn't multiply
log the event
sine on the dotted line
get her to cosine
profit from the experience
base the result on an exponent

[Henhito]

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes." White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physics will follow.

I thought Obama gets his prizes before the accomplishment?